Failure to Launch
If you guys need to know one thing about me, it’s that I have a difficult time starting anything new. Well, starting anything new in writing, anyway. Throughout my high school and college career, I’ve managed to turn 1-2 hour essays into a whole day event that would end with a sub-par introduction. Barely an introduction, if I’m being honest. Not only that, but that said introduction will probably be revised 3 or 4 more times before I am fully satisfied with it or I realize that I’ve run out of time to edit and I leave it as is. I’m not sure if the hesitation comes from feeling like a failure at creating an impactful introduction. After all, the introduction is supposed to hook your readers, right?
I’ve raised this issue to my dad on several occasions and his answer was always the same: “just start writing.” But the perfectionist in me would scream out, “I can’t just write!” And that’s always true. There’s so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I can’t just start typing away. Although I’m aware that current technology allows me the luxury of erasing any “mistakes” I make in writing, that reassurance alone does not guarantee that an essay will be finished on the same day I started it. This hesitation to just write has always been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Most of the time, I must think (for hours) and then write. Or sometimes think for hours and then do.
So yes, I have been a failure at self-imposed deadlines because of this. Not only that, I am a failure when it comes to physically sitting down at my desk (or bed) and staying there without drifting off to the internet.
Think & Do or Just Do It?
I know this may not seem practical, especially when it really matters (i.e. real life outside the classroom). Today, everyone practically pushes you to do just do it. Execute. Get results. That’s it.
Just do it.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of mindset. I know I’ve had my fair share of “just do it” moments—including things like a spur of the moment nose piercing or completely dropping all my architecture classes for a chance to major in something else. Despite this, my mind isn’t always focused on just “do, do, and do.” I’ve hesitated and doubted myself one too many times when I shouldn’t have. Perhaps this stems from my need to have things perfect all the time. Or maybe it’s my need to please others because I’m afraid to fail in front of the people who matter most to me.
Have you ever experienced that? Scared to stand by your own decisions in life because you’re afraid of failing in front of the people who matter most to you? I’ve made good and bad decisions in life. I’ve regretted some—mostly the ones I pursued, but didn’t make for myself in the first place. A lot of people may try to give you advice about your own life and yes, some of this may come from people who care about you. It’s okay that you care about what certain people (e.g. people who matter to you) think of you. But never confuse that with allowing those same people to impose their views or opinions on your own life. This is your life.
The most important person you must say yes to—above everyone else—is yourself. Say yes to that company that pays you less because you’re 1000% sure this is the direction you want your life to go to. Say yes to that internship because it involves work you are actually happy to do. Say yes to changing your major because you know where your strength lies. Say yes to things that matter to you. Perhaps now is the perfect time to just do it. Sometimes that “yes” may hold a lot of uncertainty in your future, but that “yes” also holds enormous growth and prosperity. You may not be oozing with confidence when you first embark on your new adventure, but understand that risking a little bit of your pride to find yourself and to find confidence within yourself is completely worth it.
Cheer yourself on throughout your journey in life. You will get to where you want to be.
PS: Can anyone guess how long this post took to perfect? Ha.
In between her regular 9-5 and being a creative director for Breaking Boundaries, Koren likes to indulge in caffeinated drinks, pastries, and social media in her spare time (or during work hours). She’s mostly scrolling through instagram, so don’t be shy and say hi (@korendezvous)!